When you take me to an amusement park, you can always count on me to hold your bags. I'll let you have all the fun soaring through the air... I'll stay on the ground. I'll stay where it's safe.
Rollercoasters are NOT for me.
I hate the ups & downs. I hate the twists & turns. & I hate not knowing what's to come.
Choosing to become a foster parent is like choosing to spend the rest of your life on a rollercoaster.
Taylor & I received our foster parent certification in the mail a few weeks ago.
We have given our "bags" to God, strapped ourselves into the seats, & now we are raising our hands in anticipation.
On Tuesday we got the call that we have been waiting for.
When I got off of the phone with the caseworker, I did a full blown happy jig around my office.
I was squealing like a little girl & bashing my head around.
When I told Taylor about our potential placement, he insisted we head straight to the store to get some special treats for our potential kids. I told all of our close friends & they got all excited too--- joining us on this ride.
There we all were... at the top of the rollercoaster. We were at the highest peak & we couldn't wait to see what was going to happen next.
& then we dropped.
I spoke with the caseworker today and the kids we have longed for aren't coming.
They might come in the future.
They might come and stay for a week.
They might come and stay for a while.
They might not come here at all.
This is why I always remain on the ground cuddled close what's known. Because the anticipation and and that fall leaves my stomach feeling sick... & I don't like that feeling.
I am heartbroken & I feel foolish for getting on this ride in the first place. I have lost sleep over these children, I have cried for these children, and I have prayed fervently on their behalf.
This rollercoaster is not for me.
Foster care is not for me.
In Pennsylvania alone, there are over 15,000 children currently in the foster care system.
These children are ripped from their homes & are forced to journey on a rollercoaster they did not choose to get on.
My heart is broken and I am uncomfortable, but if a child is not here, it means that they are safe where they are or they are going some place better. This rollercoaster ride is not about me.
Foster care is not for me.
So I will buckle my seatbelt and venture up the steep hill again & again.
I will dance with all my might when we reach the top & I will cry like a baby if we end up falling because these children are worth it.
There will be ups & downs-- twists & turns-- & we won't know what's to come
But we have been called to this rollercoaster
by a God who loves these children much more than we do.
Foster care is not for me.
Rollercoasters are not for me.
We are on this journey for them.
xo, Lynn Raye
