--> Is this really for me? <--

When you take me to an amusement park, you can always count on me to hold your bags. I'll let you have all the fun soaring through the air... I'll stay on the ground. I'll stay where it's safe. 

Rollercoasters are NOT for me.

I hate the ups & downs. I hate the twists & turns. & I hate not knowing what's to come. 

Choosing to become a foster parent is like choosing to spend the rest of your life on a rollercoaster. 

Taylor & I received our foster parent certification in the mail a few weeks ago.

We have given our "bags" to God, strapped ourselves into the seats, & now we are raising our hands in anticipation. 

On Tuesday we got the call that we have been waiting for.

When I got off of the phone with the caseworker, I did a full blown happy jig around my office.

I was squealing like a little girl & bashing my head around.

When I told Taylor about our potential placement, he insisted we head straight to the store to get some special treats for our potential kids. I told all of our close friends & they got all excited too--- joining us on this ride. 

There we all were... at the top of the rollercoaster. We were at the highest peak & we couldn't wait to see what was going to happen next. 

& then we dropped. 

I spoke with the caseworker today and the kids we have longed for aren't coming.

They might come in the future.

They might come and stay for a week.

They might come and stay for a while.

They might not come here at all. 

This is why I always remain on the ground cuddled close what's known. Because the anticipation and and that fall leaves my stomach feeling sick... & I don't like that feeling. 

 I am heartbroken & I feel foolish for getting on this ride in the first place. I have lost sleep over these children, I have cried for these children, and I have prayed fervently on their behalf. 

This rollercoaster is not for me. 

Foster care is not for me. 

In Pennsylvania alone, there are over 15,000 children currently in the foster care system. 

These children are ripped from their homes & are forced to journey on a rollercoaster they did not choose to get on. 

My heart is broken and I am uncomfortable, but if a child is not here, it means that they are safe where they are or they are going some place better. This rollercoaster ride is not about me. 

Foster care is not for me. 

So I will buckle my seatbelt and venture up the steep hill again & again.

I will dance with all my might when we reach the top & I will cry like a baby if we end up falling because these children are worth it. 

There will be ups & downs-- twists & turns-- & we won't know what's to come 

But we have been called to this rollercoaster 

by a God who loves these children much more than we do. 

Foster care is not for me.

Rollercoasters are not for me.

We are on this journey for them. 

xo, Lynn Raye 

--> Adventure <--

I like the trend of people choosing a word for the year. 

This year I'd like "adventure" to be my word & theme. 

Taylor & I have been in NEPA for over a year now and it's finally starting to feel like home. 

After months & months of searching, we found a church to grow and serve in. 

It feels like home when Taylor and I drive up to the little A frame sanctuary. 

The outside is pretty sweet, but the people inside are even sweeter. 

I foresee God leading us on MANY adventures this year with the VCC community. 

Another big adventure that we are about to embark on is the foster to adopt process. 

We chose our agency & have started completing the mountain of paperwork that comes with it. 

As the Christmas season approached, Taylor reminded me that this would most likely be our last Christmas just he & I. I've been dreaming about adoption my entire life. 2016 will likely be the year that I become a mother. How terrifying & amazing. I've been hanging onto Taylor a little tighter this season & thanking God for allowing him to be the man that I share this adventure with. 

Please keep us in your prayers as we embark on this journey.

It will not be easy. 

God has also brought new faces into my life. I had been praying for gal pals for quite a while & God delivered greatly. 2015 brought a coworker that quickly became a close friend & a sweet soul that I met while thrifting. There will be many adventures with these two ladies this year, I can feel it! 

Agh. The new year always brings resolutions and goals.

My goal in 2016 to embrace this upcoming adventure with a positive heart. 

I always look at the glass half empty & I'd like that to change. 

There are so many small blessings I don't see. 

My goal is to see those blessings. 

Here's to the great adventure to come. 

Hello 2016.

xo, Lynn Raye

Day 1 Blogtember Challenge

(I'm really hot right now so I posted this picture of me in the snow to cool off)

I am so excited to be participating in the blogtember challenge! I'm not sure if I'll be able to hit all of the days… but I'll be attempting to do at least one a week. 

So today is the introduction…

Introducing myself has always been a little awkward for me. Situations with strangers can either make me extremely hyper & inappropriate, or quiet and sullen. I can portray all of those traits at times, but it's NOT ok to act like that when you're meeting someone new. I can come off a bit weird. Do you remember when Cory and Topanga were working on a project and she drew a read heart around her face in lipstick? That was really strange. I can come across like that sometimes. 

ANYWAY - My name is Lynn Raye. I'm married to the best man on earth & together we adopted the craziest dog. I work in the social services field and I laugh a lot to keep from burning out. Someday I want to attempt grad school just to drive myself even more over the edge. Jesus is my best friend & has been since I was fourteen. My hobbies are coffee, singing songs, reality TV, thrift stores, failed DIY, green beans, plants, & sitting on the couch. When I got married I moved to a small city that no one has ever heard of. For six months I fought with & cursed at this city. I hated WB & WB hated me. This summer, I had a change of heart. I decided to force myself on all of North Eastern Pennsylvania and see what happens. This blog is about being a newlywed, following Christ, finding my purpose, thrifting, & making friends with NEPA. 

Thanks for visiting. 

Can't wait to e-meet all of you.

xo, Lynn Raye

--when your little girl gets married & you ugly cry--

I have always felt super protective of Susan. Since the beginning of our friendship, I have always taken on the mother role when it comes to her. Offering up my two cents into her life and telling her what to do is my favorite. She has been my friend for over ten years & when she got married last week… I cried like a baby. Susan & Tom got married at Pomme in Radnor, PA. The venue was lovely, but Susan stole the show. I teared up as she walked down the aisle. I began to sniffle as her parents hugged her so tight she couldn't breathe. But when she stood before Tom with the biggest smile i've ever seen… I full on ugly cried. My little girl all grown up & so happy. It was a beautiful day for a beautiful couple to get married. I feel so blessed that I was able to share in Susan & Tom's special day.

xo, Lynn Raye

-- small sacrifices --

Sometimes my acid reflux is so bad that I have to sleep on the couch. When I lie (lay?) flat, I wake up in the middle of the night feeling sick as a dog. I'm not sure if it's a mental thing, but being on the couch always makes me feel better. Every so often, I feel a pain in my chest & I have to sleep on the couch just in case. My husband is the sweetest because on those couch nights, he makes a bed on the floor right next to me. Even though we have a cozy bed less than 9 feet away, (yes our apartment is THAT small) Taylor would rather sleep next to me.

He sacrifices his comfort for mine. 

I am so blessed to be married to a man who remembers that the small things make me swoon. 

His love is thoughtful & kind.

Happy Birthday to my Teeds.

xo, Lynn Raye

New Family

Marriage is so bizarre.

You start a new family

you inherit someone else's family

you share your own family. 

It's just weird. 

On Friday night I had the privilege of cooking dinner & hosting my in-laws. 

I wanted the meal to be perfect... MADE FROM SCRATCH. FRESH. ORGANIC. 

Trying to impress/win over/be myself

around a new family is hard.

I find myself a bit difficult to love. 

I live in extremes and it's easy to misinterpret my passion. 

Trying to figure out my place in this new family has been hard for me. 

& there have been many ups and downs.

But God makes all things work together for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28)

This family was predestined & created by God for His good. 

It will take time. It will take faith. It will take prayer.

But it will work. 

& it will be worth it.

As I was chopping veggies & stirring sauces,

I thought about how much effort it was taking to make this meal work.

Sweat was dripping.

My back was aching. 

I worked that morning so I was really tired...

& it almost felt pointless. 

But when they arrived & saw my table full of yummies just for them...

I realized it was worth it. 

It takes work 

but it's worth it.

(it's not perfect but it's made from scratch, fresh, & organic... Just like my new family)

xo, Lynn Raye

{Marriage}

Four months ago I married my best friend. Four months ago Taylor and I became a unit & began navigating this world together. It has been the most beautiful and challenging four months ever. When I think back to November 8th, I feel so many different emotions. 

FYI-- Our wedding day was not the best day of my life… 

I was really sick.

I couldn't talk. 

I didn't sleep much the night before & I was kind of miserable. 

It was cold.

I hate PDA. 

My eyelashes didn't feel secure. 

Thing didn't go as planned. 

People from far away had to leave right after dinner and I didn't get to booty pop with them. 

Some people didn't even show up. 

I think at times, the whole day was kind of a mess. 

How crazy do I seem?

How ungrateful?

But it WAS a mess.

My wedding was a mess. 

It was a beautiful mess. 

It was a beautiful mess filled with highs and lows. 

Expectations that weren't met and surprises that blew the expectations out of the water. 

It was a pretty cool picture of what life actually looks like. 

We spent all of this time and energy preparing and planning. There were people who let us down, and people who went above and beyond.  A few months before, a family friend passed away and I didn't know how to keep moving. 

There were many meltdowns. There were many joys.

& in all of it, God remained good. 

He remained in control. 

That's life. It's beautiful & it's an absolute mess. 

As I reflect on the last four months & my life with Teeds, I can say with confidence that our wedding was not the best day ever. 

I don't think that best day or best life ever actually exists.

There's no such thing as your "best life now" (sorry Joel)

Truthfully, I'll take the messy days over the lies of the best days.

The mess means that God is working... the story isn't finished. 

Today, I am thanking God for my messy life and the messy wedding that brought Teeds and I closer than ever before. 

xo, Lynn Raye

The Great Outdoors

Two weeks ago, Teeds & I spent an entire day in the woods.
We packed sandwiches for lunch
and cooked our dinner over a fire.
We spent the hours in between kayaking and hiking. There were a lot of other people enjoying the park, but there were moments where the entire space felt like ours. Someday, we'll be able to spend a whole weekend in the woods. But right now, we will take what we can get. Planning a wedding is hard & living three hours away from each other ain't no walk in the park either.
We try to make the most of our short weekends.

xo, Lynn Raye

New Community.

I am moving.

We are moving.

I am losing community.

In four short months, I will be moving 2.5 hours away from the community that inspires me to love Jesus better. My church families and close circle of friends mean so so so much to me & i'd really like to figure out a way for all of them to move to WB with me this fall. I'm not sure that will happen but a lady can dream can't she?

I am a planner.

I plan everything. 

My outfits are pre-planned, my meals, my day... etc (I'm a little crazy)

When I began preparing my heart for this move, I was met with great anxiety & fear. 

How will we make friends?

What if no one likes me?

Where will we worship? 

We certainly can't find another church plant to love and grow in, can we? 

God must smile big when I bring my silly fears to Him.

Ladies & Gents, we haven't even moved and I am already feeling love from our future town.

About a month ago, Teeds and I visited a church plant in downtown WB.

The visit wasn't really random because I had been stalking them for about a month before the actual visit... (Like I said, a little crazy)

Even though I had been listening to their podcasts and fervently following them on Facebook, I was still so nervous to walk into the chapel for service that Sunday. 

After a bit of coaching from Teeds, we headed in. 

Almost as soon as we sat down, people came over to say hello. The greetings weren't just a "hi" and a "bye", these people wanted to know our names and stories. So there we were, the service hadn't even started and I was totally smitten. As the worship team led one of Teedle's favorite songs, I could tell that he was also falling in love. After a beautiful message by Pastor Dan about "inside out religion" (can be found here), we were sold. To top it ALL off, the church was experimenting with a "meet the pastors" lunch after the service. Of all days! The day WE visit. Oh, God makes me smile so big. 

He was there! He had planned all of it!

Oh what joy!

Teeds and I stayed to have some Pizza (carrots and chips for me) & chat with our new favorite people. It turns out that the mission of the church is very similar to the church I currently attend. They are ministry focused & care about the spiritual, emotional, and physical needs of the people in their community. My social work heart smiled ear-to-ear over this! The best part is, we were only there for a couple of hours & we felt like we were home. We saw the love of Christ moving in the ministry team and their love for Him was absolutely contagious. 

What a beautiful day.

I serve a God who is bigger than worry, fear, and doubt.

He is already moving in WB & I can't wait to see what else He has planned for Teeds and I.

Last Friday, I got THIS in the mail with a sweet message from Pastor Dan and his wife, Joy! 

(Sweet, huh?) 

I am moving.

We are moving.

I am finding community.

xo, Lynn Raye